“Men suck”

“Men ruin my life”

“I’m better off without a man in my life”

We’ve all heard it, women complaining about men, and in equal measure, men complaining about women. Maybe it’s not because men are too strong to show their feelings…maybe they are do afraid to? Bit of a stretch but bear with me.

Men are notorious for not showing their feelings and being only interested in sex, but this is not always true. I was reading Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho when this idea about men came to me. The idea that maybe men are jerks because they know love hurts and don’t want to be hurt. Whereas women freely give love to whoever they want – and by love I mean as in the feeling not sex – but men keep it locked up to prevent themselves getting hurt because, lets face it, who does want to get hurt?

Here is the quote, maybe you’ll see where I’m coming from:

Admittedly some men are just jerks but then some women are too to its a pretty even playing field, but essentially maybe the jerks are the ones who have no idea how to give love, only how to receive it and sometimes they can’t even do that.

‘…And finally, I’d like you too understand men better too…Yes,to understand men better,’ said Ralph again, seeing the doubtful look on my face, ‘You talk about your femal sexuality, about helping me to find my way around your body, to be patient, to take time. I agree, but has it occured to youthat we’re different, at least in matters of time? You should complain to God about that.

‘When we met, I asked you to teach me about sex, because I had lost all my sexual desire. Do you know why> Because after a certain age, every sexual relationship I had ended in tedium and fristration because I realized how difficult it was to give the women I loved the same amount of pleasure they gave me….’Why is it that men only think about sex, instead of doing as you did with me and finding out how I feel’

‘Who said we only think about sex? On the contrary, we spend years of our life trying to convince ourselves that sex is actually important to us. We learn about love from prostitutes or virgins; we tell our stories to whoever will listen; when we are older, we parade about with much younger lovers, just to prove to others that we really are what women expect us to be.

‘But do you know something? That’s simply not true. We understand nothing, We think that sex and ejaculation are the sme thing and , as you just said, they’re not. We don’t learn because we haven’t the courage to say to the woman: show me your body. We don’t learn because the woman doesn’t have the courage to say this is what I like. We are stuck with our primitive survival insincts, and that’s that. Absurd though it may seem, do you know what is more important than sex for a man?’

I thought it might be money or power, but I said nothing.

‘Sport. Because a man can understand another man’s body. We can see that sport is a dialogue between two bodies that understand each other.’

‘You’re mad.’

‘Maybe. But it makes sense. HAve you ever stopped to think about the feelings of the men you’ve been to bed with?’

‘Yes, I have. They were all insecure. They were all afraid.’

 ‘Worse than afraid, they were vulnerable. They didn’t really know what they were doing, they only knew what society, friends and women themselves had told them was important. Sex, sex, sex, that’s the basis of life, scream the advertisementspther people, films, books. No one knows what they’re talking about. Since insinct is stronger than all of us, all theu know is that it has to be done. And that’s that.’ 

So maybe men are jerks because they are scared to get hurt, if this is the case can they really be blamed when relationships can turn septic and tear people apart? Maybe we just need to encourage them to let go and take a chance…