You can’t avoid death, it’s inevitable, the one thing we can always be sure of is that we will one day die, however when it’s not us that  has died and someone else has left the Land of the Living, leaving a hole in our lives and empty space that nothing can fill, coping can seem an impossible task.

To live in denial of their death is dangerous and can lead to mental instability and by being unable to face that Death has claimed them and they are not coming home at the end of the day means we can slide into confusion and many young children that lose a parent and are not told fully that they are dead often grow up to have mental illnesses .

Although hard, facing up to loss is the best thing to do. Although it is not goodbye. Saying goodbye means you will never meet again. Ever. If you believe in life after death then you will probably meet that person again at some point so it is not goodbye, if you believe when you die you are dead and there is no life after death, then they are still being reunited with you in the Land of the Dead. “Until we meet again” is much easier to cope with, you have accepted they are gone, but you are also taking note that you will see each other again and parting is not so painful.

We don’t know what comes after life, but it is better to make Death your friend rather than your enemy, he will come for you one day and it is better to graciously take his hand and leave this world than to kick and fight and try to cheat him and eventually be humiliated when he inevitably claims you for his own. Those who he has already taken are now in a new place, new experiences are filling their senses and you will see them again. They are gone, but everything is temporary, death is not the final threshold, it is the threshold to something new.

Most people don’t want to talk about death because it is a morbid, depressing subject, but by avoiding it you are only compounding the problem of letting go, if we could openly talk about death, then it would be much easier to cope with. Death is not a villain, he is part of the many ways equilibrium is kept. Without equilibrium everything falls.

To cope with death and loss, you must first recognize that they are gone, their not coming back. Then cope with the empty space left by them, face that it will never be filled and don’t attempt to fill it, just accept its presence and let it be, in trying to fight it you are only going to end up with pain and more hurt, by letting it be you will grow used to it, until you no longer realize it’s there. The final stage is moving forward, once the first two stages are done, you can then begin to move forward. You have accepted your loss, that the past is the past and that is where they are, not in your living future. The main thing to realize with death is that they are no longer in pain, they are at rest, at peace and are having new adventures that you will one day join them in. Don’t fight Death, accept him as a friend, or if a friend seems to close, just an undeniable force, quietly getting on with its work, death is not loud, death is silent, you simply end and everything in your body shuts down, it is our reaction that is loud, we create the noise.

Death is death and life is life, this is all you need to know and by accepting the two your pain will be reduced. And never say goodbye, only ‘until we meet again’.

“You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” ~David Harkins~