The heart is how your soul, your pure self, talks to you

Sometimes things that are impossible aren’t as they seem. I’m not sure what is going to come from my fingers but last time I just wrote from the heart it helped to make me realize something, to get things off my chest but most of all, to help someone else, which is the whole point of this.

So there’s this person you’ve never met, they literally don’t know you exist but they make your days brighter, they make you feel worth something and give you hope. But occasionally doubt eats away at you. These feelings run deeper than before, they’re more powerful than before and ultimately there’s no where else you’d rather be than in their arms, but they have no idea you even walk this earth. What if they wouldn’t like you if you met? What if those small imperfections you gloss over, turn out to be huge titanic problems that could rip your world apart? What if this is all just childish dreaming that’s just going to end in heartbreak…again?

Children dream, they dream and like it, they can create an alternative reality where they are who they want to be, where they can do anything. Then we grow up. Suddenly that dream of finding a fairy castle in the woods turns into a dream being able to pay your taxes on time. But looking at it, all we ever dream of is happiness. Finding a fairy castle would have created an escape for you, and paying your taxes would get that stress off your chest and you would have some happiness.

Love is something strange. It hurts. Repeatedly. You can’t live without it and you can’t always live with it. Because before you are with them, all these doubts eat away at you, what if the age gap is too big? What if the fact that not everyone would approve would tear us apart? What if I’m a fool? What if they go out with that other girl?-who am I now without you there? Even if they never were really there, there was always that hope, and when it’s gone there’s not a lot else left to base upon. It’s not easy to love, but the best things in life are often a struggle, a test of how much we really want it. In The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, it says how when we start out, everything is fantastic and all the elements seem to combine to help us, but then we hit the hard part, the part where we believe it’s never going to happen, the part where we listen to our doubts and not our heart, our heart says yes but our head says no. This happens just when we are about to find our dream, and this is also when most people give up, they die when the oasis is in sight.

I was laying on my bed the other day, just thinking, imagining the other person was there. Then I realized something. Our heart holds our dreams, all our dreams and hopes come from the heart, whereas our head is the part that takes in outside information. When someone says we can’t do something, our heads take that in, process it and come up with a reaction, whereas our heart which sits nestled in our chests is unaffected, it may cry for the sadness our head is inflicting on the rest of our body, but when we listen to our heart and not our head, we realize that we can do it, and once we believe our heart and tell our head this, the stormy seas calm, because we are now seeing the truth. The heart feels what is genuine, by following it we can never go wrong because it is the way the soul talks to us, the heart is how our souls, our pure self, talks to us. It’s how it tells us what to believe in. Your heart knows what you want, what you need what is really right for you, if you stop and listen it will tell you what you really need – not want but what you need.

I realized that the last person I loved ended in mess and tears because I felt pressured by the outside world into finding someone. My heart was with another, who has no idea I existed, but my head processed everything and told me to find someone closer to home, to find someone NOW rather than waiting, my head was impatient, eventually my heart went along with it. But it didn’t end well and whilst I learnt from it, I never want to go back to that place again. I’m still recovering and this all came to a climax October 2010. If I’d listened to my heart I wouldn’t have gone through it again, I knew it was a test at the time, but I thought it was a test of how much I loved him, turns out it was a test of how much I listen to my heart. I now love the same person I did before I went off on an excursion with my head, because I listened to my heart, and I returned to the same person I always do.

Over all, listen to your heart and not your head.

I began this post just wanting to write, I needed to talk and this seemed to be the best way because people ask too many questions sometimes, ok, maybe writing this in a blog that will be published world-wide so everyone can see it may seem contradictory, but it helped, because I have realized that my heart is shouting as loud as it can for me to put my faith in someone who has never even seen me, or heard of me, whilst my head is flagging up doubts by the dozen because what i’m doing is not socially ‘normal’. But then where’s the harm in that, as I said in my post Love and All That Comes With It no two loves are the same, and in You Can’t Suppress Yourself I mentioned how suppressing yourself is like putting a bomb in a cardboard box – it’s going to explode and there’s nothing you can so to stop it, and every time I listen to my head I have come back to my heart and the same person. Maybe we should all just let go and say what ever comes out once in a while, its healthy for you.